It was like day and night, but looking back, I know it was actually so much more. It was stepping into my daughter's heart, leaning into what she needed and giving her time. It was letting go of believing that we needed to continue family traditions that didn't serve our family anymore. It was telling myself over and over that a childhood isn't made up of commercialized holidays and she would be fine without.
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Is motherhood easy? Truth be told no matter what you do, it's not easy. However, just because it's hard at times or maybe daily, doesn't mean your child is difficult. It means they are seeking support. Maybe support you aren't currently equipped to offer.
Or
Perhaps motherhood feels a little harder because you've made the decision to raise your child against the grain? If this is the case, you've most likely had some judgement from others at some point in time or you've felt eyes on you and heard comments made about the way you handle things. Or perhaps you have been made to feel that things would be easier if you just did xyz and followed the rules...
Unfortunately, we live in a world surrounded by adults that were raised to be seen and when they see children acting like children, they feel shame and become uncomfortable. When you stop to think about it, it's really unfortunate.
So how do we parent against the grain? We find those on the same path and we reach out. We share stories and we talk. We do not hide behind closed doors believing that we are alone. We do not hang our heads when our child acts like a child in public. We model for the world how we are raising our child and we ignore the eye rolls and comments. WE DO OUR THING!
Sidenote-when I say acts like a child, I mean it in a good way. Our children should be able to be who they are developmentally. They should have strong emotions and express them in ways we may not love- its why they have us to model healthy and safe ways to express ourselves. It's not our job to silence our children, though we can help them feel safe enough to turn the volume down a bit depending on the situation.
I have watched children from kindergarten through college, I have seen the full circle of gentle parenting. Every gentle parent I have spoken with has said, they would do it all again knowing the outcome.
So while you may be in the trenches, know that the heart work/the hard work you are putting in now, will come full circle.
This isn't about allowing your child to do as they please with zero boundaries, it's about understanding our children and guiding them to become emotionally sound adults.
I have wanted to create a space to share stories of parenting in the trenches and I am considering a few options, but for now if you have a story, especially a full circle story that you would like to share-Send my way. You can remain anonymous or I can include a link to your website, IG or FB account. I will be sharing these mixed in between my regular blog posts.
Hugs to you all
Joey
PS
Thank you for ignoring my typos
Especially when you read via your email. I fix them on my blog, but it doesn't resend to email.
Your child is difficult...
Have you ever been told you have your hands full?
Perhaps you've heard that your child is difficult?
Maybe the words have been different, but the judgement behind the words- the same.
Can I tell you something-while our highly sensitive children may come with an extra learning curve and a lot of growth on our part, our children are never any of the above, especially difficult. At least not in the sense that they are trying to cause us distress, hardship or intentionally make things problematic...
Am I coming to saying this as a mama that has never had a moment of wondering why my child was so much harder than others? Nope, in fact, I'm coming to you to share, because just last night I found myself thinking hmmm, maybe so and so is right...maybe I need to crack down on a few things.
I let my head hang and the tears fall. The truth was it had been a long week and I forgot to remind myself that my daughter had pulled in the yucky energy from our not so great neighbors just as I had. To top it off we were both running on very little sleep (due to the same neighbors). Oh and I had just locked us out of the RV and it was really late and...
When I stopped to take inventory of the week, I realized that I had dropped the ball and the things that I know support my child and myself, were put aside as we were just working on getting through the day.
1. Our week was very off, yet we did less decompressing
2. I spent a lot of energy trying to ignore the chaotic energy of our neighbors, but forgot to pour back into myself which spills over to my daughter. There are so many ways to do this, but for us it's usually extra cuddles, yoga, art or extra time outside-which was hard because my daughter was afraid to go out of the RV. *Sidenote our neighbors were both arrested and their RV and car has been removed...
3. I did not take time to release my emotions, instead I hung onto them. If your raising a hsc you know that they feel everything you do...
I share this because our children aren't difficult in a negative way or purposefully with the intent to pull us under. They aren't higher maintenance or... In fact they are a huge gift of we choose to see the gifts they bring into our lives. Our children force us to work on our inner child, to heal, rest and step outside the norm. Our children don't simply comply, but instead ask to be seen and heard and nurtured for who they are.
I strongly believe in breaking the idea that children are meant to be seen not heard.
In breaking this, it moves us to respect children as humans, to understand that their voice and emotions aren't defiance, but instead a beautiful gift. Their voice so freely flows, just as their emotions do and in time, as they watch us express ourselves, move through heavy things and be who we are called to be, our children also step into who they are, instead of who we or society believe they should be.
So often people look at the quiet, well behaved, never throws a fit, sleeps all night....child as a "good child." What happens when we began to realize that children like this are often the children that have been molded to believe that what they truly need doesn't matter? Or that their emotions need to be stuffed for the comfort of those around them?
What becomes of the "good child" in the long run?
And what becomes of the "difficult child" that has support, understanding, compassion and time to grow into themselves?
I will always choose the "difficult child.
I believe that children are meant to be heard, seen and respected so that when they are adults they know they are worthy of respect, while being heard and seen.
Stay tuned for part two.
AS ALWAYS I'M SENDING YOU HUGS AND POSITIVE ENERGY AS YOU RAISE YOUR HS CHILD OR CHILDREN
Joey
@dDestinationmommy
Have you ever felt alone, misunderstood and/or brushed off when you talk about your child's big emotions? Let's talk a little about navigating the world with an emapth.
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