An Introduction of Sorts

An Introduction of Sorts
For anyone reading, thank you. Introductions are not my strong suit, so bear with me as I carry on and possibly circle around myself in order to avoid introducing myself fully or shall we say being too vulnerable. Definitely my weakness…But a weakness that's taking a backseat in 2020!

"You're pregnant!" Words I once thought I would never hear…

My miracle baby was born February 28, 2016. The moment I found out I was going to be a mom, my life changed. My identity (or so I thought) used to be my work and the endless hours I would spend working. Sometimes 17 plus hours a day. I think work was my escape from reality. I thought the hustle defined me and made me who I was. Work was my escape from my constant thoughts of being a failure, my body being a failure. I figured no one would want to marry someone that might not be able to have children, so I worked. I fell into a trap of believing what doctors had told me and I steered clear of anything that might let me down. Anyone else avoid a challenge because you just might be successful? For me avoiding the conversation of motherhood meant protecting myself. It meant I wouldn't fail at the one thing I desired to be. It meant no one would see the heartache I carried around. This all shifted when a wonderful man came into my life.

I met my husband when I decided to pursue my degree in Elementary Education. We attended a water cycle class together, according to him that's when he first spotted me. Shortly after that class I began student teaching at the school he taught at. Nothing transpired until I became a teacher there a year later.

My first job was in the library and I remember Mr. H coming in to check out books daily and I thought, wow he must read a ton to his class. I was naive and truly had no idea he was coming to see me, until he asked if I would go to a colleague's get together with him. "Just as friends," he said. That “Just as friends” moment, took me on quite the journey. A journey of opening up and sharing something that I had stored inside.

I remember early on telling Mr. H that I may never be able to carry my own child. He didn't blink and said, "Not a big deal, we can adopt, I was adopted you know!?" I remember feeling the weight of the world fall from my body and I couldn't believe how simple the conversation was. It was that moment that I knew I would marry him.

So, here I am almost 40 and a mommy to a little one that will turn 4, very soon. A little one that I thought I would never feel kick from inside. A little one that gave me hope. She is my reason for bringing this blog back to life. Yes, I have paid for this blog for, well let's not talk about how many years, it's happening now!

My journey and sharing in this space isn't going to be linear. Life isn't linear if you think about it. My heart writes as I feel pulled to something. I want to share my infertility journey, my birthing story gone completely wrong (how I am healing from that), homeschooling, the importance of reading, being an empath, raising an empathic child, navigating the world with a bright child and so much more. I write from within and that often means my stories are all over the place, but hopefully they will resonate with you.

As for more about me, I guess I can't avoid an introduction…Hi! My name is Joey. I was born and raised and reside in a touristy town in SW CO. I have a Masters in education with an emphasis in leadership. I also received my degree in children's art, and an Associates in Sustainable Agriculture. All that after I originally began my school journey to be a Veterinarian...My school journey is much like the way I write, a little of this, a little of that, but a ton of passion for it all. I love learning and you can find me (or could find me, before I had a little one) reading about insects one day and then human anatomy the next, followed by alternative healing and how to plant the most sustainable garden…Knowledge is power and perhaps my love of learning is why I felt pulled to become a teacher.

Me in a nutshell, almost 40 and still learning to not let my expectations steal memories. Working to be a present parent not distracted or pulled by a world that demands our constant attention. A mommy that navigates parenting gently, with compassion while holding space. A mommy! My lifelong dream. A wife, that still has so much to learn about being a wife. A wife with a child's heart that is working to heal from a broken relationship with my father in order to truly let my husband in. A lover of nature, crafts, essential oils and functional medicine, meaningful connections, animals and children. A giver that often forgets to refuel. Lonely at times because it's easier than being hurt. Circled by a very small group, because, well I guess that's safe...So, you could sum me up with one word, HUMAN. I have faults, I have desires and I dream big. I have an entire world to learn about and explore and I appreciate you joining me on this wild ride.

Thank you for being here, for reading through my raw stories, some that have been written for years and never shared. Thank you for knowing what I say is not in judgement but through my lens and my path. Thank you for commenting and sharing, for your vulnerability. Thank you.